I’m stuck. I’ve been stuck for awhile. There, I’ve said it. That wasn’t so bad.
Soooo many things in my life changed this Spring. We moved and everything rearranged itself (or exploded into oblivion) and I feel like my brain is just catching up. So a brief synopsis for those of you who missed the play by play.
February: Move to Portland with
30 seconds, 2 days, 2 weeks notice.
March: Chris travels, Jolie looks for job. Jolie finds nothing– her self-esteem plummets. But she keeps painting.
April: Overwhelmed, angry and sad. Paintings bad, jobs non-existent.
Breakthrough Moment! Jolie remembers that she’s a
blabberer, incapable of thinking without speaking verbal processor. And since she stopped journaling, and all her friends are in Seattle, she realizes she hasn’t done anything but pout and mope processed anything.
Jolie realizes that the only way out of this mess is through ink. Meaning, she starts writing– almost constantly. She writes about her life, finds her dreams again and begins to figure out herself in this new place with new stuff. She makes a dreamboard, visits Seattle friends, chats with a very wise friend, goes on a vacation with her husband and generally starts to collect herself– she also gets a job. A job that gives her absolutely everything she asked for in a job.
May: Yay! Vacation, Chris’s site goes viral, and a job. But why no painting? What’s that? Oh. Fear. Ok, well I’ll make a pie.
June: Another vacation, more job, and more processing. I realize that I need to go back to what I really love about painting, so I start sketching people on the bus, playing with watercolors and give myself a mental break from the easel.
And I keep writing.
Last Friday, I listen to a very smart lady talk about Martha Beck’s Change Cycle. In this book, which I’ve read and even blogged about, Martha Beck breaks change down to four stages or squares.
Square One: Death and Rebirth
Square Two: Dreaming and Scheming
Square Three: The Hero’s Saga
Square Four: The Promised Land
You should go read the book yourself, but basically each square is really important to the process of change. Square one is all about what happens after a major event of change, what Beck calls a “catalytic event.” You know, like changing jobs, or moving out of state, or all of the above. You’re bewildered and confused and
pissed maybe a little angry. The mantra of square one is, “I don’t know what the hell is going on, and that’s ok.”
As I listened to Pam (the very smart lady) speak about this, I realized– I’ve been in Square One. Of course! Death and Rebirth! Why didn’t I think of this before?
The good news is that Square Two: Dreaming and Scheming is just around the corner, I think. And perhaps there’s painting involved. I’ll keep you posted. July is looking up.
** Oh, and the winner of the contest (according to Random.org) is Michelle!
“I already heart you in etsy and love how you include little water colors with your jewelry! Laurelhurst Earrings in Red is one of my favorite! I would love to win and show off your art to my friends!”
Michelle, don’t forget to send me your address and I’ll ship Radishes out to you ASAP! Yay!
The giveaway was really fun, so I think I’m going to make it a tradition. I’ll keep you posted on that, too!